I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
