That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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