and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize