Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
