Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dicks are not precious.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
