so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Drunk is not a location!
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