We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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