is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
