if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Actions speak louder than pants.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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