you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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