cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
