Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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