i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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