the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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