I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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