Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
