just come out here and I will go home with you...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
