whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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