I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I look better un-naked...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
only you would photoshop your dick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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