I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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