sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
