It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
