Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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