I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
