Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
