Yo dont text me then not text me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
