I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
