what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
