She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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