i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
did i walk over a car last night?
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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