just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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