We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
