These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
