Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
