how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
