So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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