i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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