She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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