I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
