I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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