it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
