If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
