Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
