Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
