genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
