Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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