plz talk dirty to me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will be naked everywhere
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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