I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
