Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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