I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
