my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
