I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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