I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
