omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
