Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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