Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
