they need to just BURY HIM!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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