maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
